Superficial follows, Basketball Wives, and Shoes: Shikagoland’s Instagram Problem

The internet is great right? I KNOW! Thanks to Al Gore we have this amazing tool where we can meet like minded people, read informative restaurant reviews, and keep up to date on the important news of the day.

And read blog posts from bloggers who only update once in a blue moon and really need to get it together.

But occasionally, escapism is necessary. There needs to be a place free of commentary, almost solely dedicated to ripped abs and not-so-humble brags.

ENTER INSTAGRAM

My IG usage started simply enough. A occasional filtered food photo. Following my friends so I could see pics of their cute kids. A few friends are small business owners, so I followed their pages to support. Normal.

And then I discovered the “Explore” tab which is basically full of people who have the kind of lives I don’t understand. Lives with money. And Clothes. And lots of gym equipment. I couldn’t help myself, I followed with abandon and suddenly my IG feed was no longer populated solely by drooly babies and sunsets.

These new discoveries fall primarily into three categories:

1. Cute Asian girls with fashion retail websites – Sure, I’ll follow you who peddle clothes so small my credit card would be immediately popped for fraudulent activity if I ever bought them. Whatever, I like pretty. My favorite of this breed of IGers(?) is kryzzie. I’m not really sure what the deal is with that page. Is she a model? A business owner? A fake persona used to sell clothes? Dunno. Dun care. She’s pretty. And the clothes are pretty. And there is variety in the form of the occasional decadent looking meal, far flung locales and a occasional cute baby or two. I may not understand it, but I like it.

kryzzie

And did I mention pretty?

2. Superficial follows – Superficial follows are something I first heard talked about on Twitter but never really got into myself. Twitter for me is about interacting through words, so I didn’t really see the point of following someone so that I can read the dumb shit they write in between posting pictures of themselves. But IG does away with the expectations of mental stimulation and clears the way for…other stimulation. I find that IGers (I’m going with that) who spend all day posting pictures of their bodies are generally the kind of people I would hate in real life. But then again the last thing I posted on IG was a picture of my desk so…I’m not exactly thrilling anyone with my life.

20130618_083713

No, I wasn’t kidding

Anyways, because I’m equal opportunity I have male and female superficial follows. My first superficial follow was Stephanie Santiago. Someone I follow on Twitter RT’ed one of her pics and I was like…”*squints* that ass CANNOT be real”. And a superficial follow was born. I don’t really know what Stephanie does for a living. Her IG is all pictures of her ass in bed, pictures of her ass buying shoes, pictures of her ass smoking blunts, pictures of her ass on airplanes, pictures of her ass on the beach, pictures of her ass playing with her cats…you get the picture. Whatever, I’m here for it.

I would post a pic but…I just spent like ten minutes trying to find a relevant one that was unlikely to get a reader fired for viewing this blog at work. WHOOPS.

Here, have a gif of a really bad ass dog instead.

Here, have a gif of a really bad ass dog instead.

And finally, and most embarrassing:

3. Basketball Wives: It started out simply enough. Basketball players tend to be pretty funny on Twitter and over the course of the season I started following a handful of them. And then, as these things tend to happen, I followed a link from one player’s Twitter to his IG and then a few dozen clicks later I had dived headfirst into the thrilling world of Basketball wives. And while I’d rather get hit in the face with a basketball than watch Basketball Wives LA (I only occasionally give Miami any country because Tami is the TRILLEST), as it turns out, the Clipper wives and associated persons entertain me the most. Maybe its the LA thing and the fact that their team is so young, but its all just so…flashy. A really good example of this is Gloria Galvan‘s IG page. Popular photo subjects include: shoes, her really cute sons, vacations, jewelry, more shoes, bodycon dresses, partying, facial contouring, and shoes. Its a whole different world than the one I live in and I find it all fascinating…and exhausting. I don’t have enough ambition to snag a “baller” (and by ambition I mean the tight body, super long weave, and a desire to look camera ready at all times) and I’m at peace with that. And I don’t really feel the need to disparage those who live these lives, however they got there. But if I’m honest? Can we keep this between us? Just once I’d like to pop a bottle while buying really expensive clothes with my girlfriends. And I don’t even like champagne. Or have tight dress buying girlfriends. And you’ll just have to let me live on that. Let this poor little Midwestern girl non-for-profit wage slave have her fantasies, lol.

glo

People having more fun than me.

So tell me, dear readers: who are your favorite IG people? Celebrities, superficial follows, fashion folk, etc. Let a blogger know. Don’t be scurred. I won’t tell.

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One thought on “Superficial follows, Basketball Wives, and Shoes: Shikagoland’s Instagram Problem

  1. I follow a lot of basketball players on IG. Not because I’m thirsty but because I do a podcast on my favorite team and sometimes there’s news on IG. I also follow some of my favorite singers and bloggers, too.

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