Shikagoland Reads the Headlines

Let’s get it.

Kate Upton is fat. Or something. – “Pro-skinny” website Skinny Gossip has taken aim at Sports Illustrated covergirl Kate Upton for deigning to not able to pick up a side job as Victoria Beckham’s body double or something. I’m not the target audience for SI but I’m pretty sure that the Maxims/SI Swimsuit Issues/Victoria’s Secret Cataglogs of the world are usually geared towards those segments of our society for whom boobs are paramount. But, you GUYS, Skinny Gossip is worried about AMERICA!

The sudden surge in fame for Kate Upton makes me wonder how much further our plus-sized fixation is going to go.

Yes, because busty blondes have always spelled destruction to society. Ask the dinosaurs.

The Horror

Couple attempts to smuggle baby through airport security in luggage – Internet explodes into a fit of WTF!?

You guys. One day we might not have the internet – Look. I lived in the dark ages before internet. And you know what? I AM TELLLLLLLIN’ YOU! I’M NOT GOOOOOIIING. *ahem* Have you ever sat down and thought about the internet? Like, where it really came from (calm down, nerds. I have Google. I don’t need an explanation), and how it works, and how HUGE it is!? Its enough to make you really believe those History Channel shows about aliens basically giving us…everything…as some kind of intergalactic raffle prize.

The Olympics will be starting soon! AfterElton.com joins in on the Olympic spirit and provides a slideshow of  The Hottest Men of Team USA. You know, what really matters. And while they get it right in including my new boyfriend, swimmer Nathan Adrian, there are missteps. Like, Phelps is there…but Ryan Lochte isn’t.

JEAH

Apparently, its totes ok for women to know more than one man these days. – A new book posits that since women tend to have a “gaggle” of female friends that fit different parts of your life, that its also a good idea to have a bunch of men around…for something. I’m not sure how sound advice that is but…well. I’ll take one for the team. I prefer the term harem to gaggle. All interested parties should email me at shikagoland@gmail.com . Bonus points if you’re tall enough to change my lightbulbs.

Apparently soju juice boxes are the new must-have travel item for Koreans on the move – Or me. Anyways, the most alarming thing in this article is that apparently restaurants in New York are selling regular bottles of soju for like $13. WHAT THE HELL. Meanwhile, last week I found out that the soju thats imported to the states is not as strong as the stuff thats sold in Korea. Even though the current alcohol content knocks me on my ass…I feel slighted somehow. *sigh*

Today’s sign of the apocalypse: Ordinance would allow giant, flashing signs on Mag Mile malls: my reaction? NO. NO FUCK NO.

And finally, proving again that Sesame Street makes everything better: Cookie Monster improves on the most annoying song ever the big summer hit “Call Me Maybe”. You’re welcome.

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