Shikagoland Reads the Headlines

I haven’t done this in awhile because…well lets face it, the news in general has been depressing lately.

But lets give this a shot anyway.

Coachella happened this weekend. You really only need two images to sum up the event:

Nice headdress. Dipshit.

and

Thug (after)Life!

Do the dead crip walk? Hmmm....

Yes, the hologram of Tupac “performed” at Coachella on Sunday night. So look. I’ve never been to Coachella, but I imagine that the way people feel after three nights in the dessert (while consuming large amounts of alcohol and…well other things) is close to the way I’ve felt at the end of Lollapalooza. If under those circumstances a hologram of someone I’d thought long dead showed up to dance a jig I might have ended up running screaming to drown myself in the nearest body of water. Or at least be convinced that the zombie apocalypse had begun. Not a nice thing to to to your audience, Coachella.

(on a personal note, Coachella gets Zombie!Tupac and Lollapalooza gets…Childish Gambino. I feel ripped off already, Perry)

Hillary Clinton gone wild – last week Hillary made our minds explode when she acknowledged her own internet meme, the instantly hilarious Text from Hillary. Now Hil-dawg is back and getting her jiggy on in Columbia, knocking back beers and dancing the rumba. This is almost enought to make me forget how I felt about her during the 2008 primaries…almost.

Nicki Minaj blocks fans and then deletes her twitter account – but her career still exists. The fight continues.

Report: American fast food contains more salt than in other countries – All I get from this article is….WE’RE #1! American Exceptionalism! AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!

Land of the free...home of the BAD ASS

Woman Posts Craigslist Ad Seeking Man Who Knocked Her Up At A Chicago Megadeth/Motörhead Show: I lack the wit required to make this any more interesting than this already is. I smell a Judd Apatow movie plot rising out the ashes of this though.

Facebook’s COO works a regular 8-hour day – tech drones all over the world take time away from complaining about working 80 hours a week to condemn her for it.

Prom spending rises to average $1,078 this year, survey says – Once you’re done reading that article feel free to take to your Google machines and search for local organizations near you (like the Glass Slipper Project in Chicago) that take donations for new/gently used prom dresses and accessories to help young girls who don’t have a grand to drop on prom still have their little teenage dreams come true.

River North home sells for 4.25 million dollars – A little real estate porn. Those pictures! I die.

And finally, had that fucking cow Yolanda Saldivar not killed my queen, if she were still alive, Selena would have been 41 years old today (and better than your faves). In memory let us commence an afternoon booty shaking session:

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