It Gets Better (Lol, no it doesnt)

It sneaks up on you.

One minute you’re young and free. You’ve got a job that pays the bills and leaves enough left over to have a little fun, and maybe its not your dream but its not like you’ll be there FOREVER. Don’t sweat it, you’ve got plenty of time. There are long weekends in Miami,  BYOB Sunday brunches, and general frivolity to be had. Eventually you’ll figure out what you want to do with your life. Get that advanced degree. Travel Europe. Fall in love. Get married and have some kids (if thats your thing). Eventually. You’ve got all the time in the world.

Tuesday

*blink*

Ah, it was all so simple then. Now? Well now your  life is a neverending cycle of commuting, suffering, commuting, and sleeping. What the f*ck is a vacation? You’ve got to work nights and weekends at home because the economy sucks and you’re lucky to HAVE that crappy job. Who even has time to think about what you “want” to do? You’re not some hipster with a trust fund. You didn’t write that great novel. You didn’t invent “Angry Birds”. “The one” broke up with you two years ago and moved to Spain with some trustafarian they met in Cabo. You’re never going to lose that twenty pounds. Your idea of fun is trolling FB on Friday nights (because all your friends are married and frankly, find you a bit pathetic)  listening to whatever music was popular when you were young and still had hopes and dreams, hoping to find someone with a life worse than yours (let me save you some time, EVERYONE is doing better than you).

Welcome to hell your quarter life crisis.

This is not your life.

So what are you going to do about it?

If your answer is listen to Green Day and update your Facebook page with the revelation that “Longview” is totally your life, then….you’re not ready. And thats ok. The quarter life crisis is a process.

Shikagoland’s Helpful Guide to the Quarter Life Crisis:

  1. Fail spectacularly at growing up. Realize that life hasn’t exactly worked out the way you planned.
  2.  Panic. Drink. Email friends pics of celebrities on beach vacations and rant about how untalented they are. Panic. Stop showering. Show up to work in pajamas. Extract yourself from the toxic situation. Look for new work. Break off that crappy relationship. Put down the cookie dough. Work on your resume. Un-hide your successful HS/College classmates on Facebook. If they aren’t really your friends? Un-friend them.Fuck those jerks.
  3.  Start a blog. Realize it sucks. Delete it. Try something new. Get a hobby. Take a risk. Get scared. Suck it up,  you p*ssy. Relapse. Drink wine. Be anti-social.  Try again.
  4.  Tell Meryl Streep to suck it. Give free fabulous designer wardrobe to former hateful co-worker. Keep trying. Eventually something will work. Maybe.
  5.  Talk to your friends. Form a support network of sycophants. Why do football teams have cheerleaders? Because everyone needs someone in their corner. Or on top of the washing machine after the big loss. Find someone to be your personal cheerleader. Get consent.

This is the part where I should impart wisdom about coming out on the other side a happier, healthier, more fulfilled person.

And I will. Eventually. I’m just a little busy right now. Meanwhile, have you ever really paid attention to the lyrics in Longview, man? So deep. Billy Joe gets me.

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2 thoughts on “It Gets Better (Lol, no it doesnt)

  1. great post!!! As i near the end of school I am scared of what I will be doing afterwards. How life will turn into all work and no play. Ill come back to this post if I ever feel down.

  2. Pingback: Shikagoland Loves Her Crazy Internet People « shikagoland

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